Sheltering hope

PHOTO PROMPT © Dale Rogerson

 

Janna had often thought of Uzair over the years and the memories always offered her some joy through the sadness. The memory she favoured the most was not their wedding day, or the day they bought their first home.

It was when they were both much younger, their first real interaction after fleeting glances. He had presented her with a marigold plucked from the gardens.

So when the package arrived on her doorstep, sheltering a single marigold, she went numb. Then an impossible realisation pierced through the confusion, radiating through her in an instant, her heart pounding. He was alive.

100 words

 

Written for Friday Fictioneers hosted by Rochelle, where the challenge is to write an entire story in 100 words or less.

Click here for more flash fiction.

 

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Responses

  1. neilmacdon avatar
    neilmacdon

    I liked the idea of this, but I wanted it to continue on a beat. I wanted her to progress from shocked joy to anger that he hadn’t been in touch sooner.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier Deria avatar
      Fatima Fakier Deria

      Thank you for the feedback Neil. She should be angry. Something I overlooked. It would have strengthened the storyline too.

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  2. Iain Kelly avatar
    Iain Kelly

    I wonder where he has been all this time. My thought went straight to missing in a war zone perhaps?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier Deria avatar
      Fatima Fakier Deria

      I left it open to readers’ interpretation. But perhaps it was too open ended for a story. And needed some clues inserted to where he has been. In my mind he disappeared, presumed dead and for some reason couldn’t just come back. Due to some danger either to him or his wife. But wanted to contact his wife discreetly in a way she would know what it meant.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  3. rochellewisoff avatar
    rochellewisoff

    Dear Fatima,

    I would love to have known where he’s been all this time. Perhaps a line inserted to clue the reader in. I realize that word limit can be quite the challenge. In any event, I love the way he let her know he’s alive. Nicely done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier Deria avatar
      Fatima Fakier Deria

      Thank you Rochelle. And I appreciate the constructive feedback! I realise now it’s probably not a complete story and needed those clues. As I was writing it I imagined him disappearing years ago, presumed dead after a while. Then due to some danger, he couldn’t come back right away and sent a message to his wife in a way she would know what it meant.

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  4. tedstrutz avatar
    tedstrutz

    This could be the start of a Movie, good one.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Fatima Fakier Deria avatar
      Fatima Fakier Deria

      Thank you 😊 would be awesome if that ever had to happen.

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  5. Moon avatar
    Moon

    The last few sentences gave me goosebumps.
    Brilliant!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier Deria avatar
      Fatima Fakier Deria

      Great! That’s what I was hoping for. Thank you.

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  6. granonine avatar
    granonine

    Love this one. Happy beginning, sad middle, happy ending. Perfect 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier Deria avatar
      Fatima Fakier Deria

      Thank you😊

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  7. Dale avatar
    Dale

    Indeed… where has he been? So many possibilities and that’s a good thing. I agree, this could be expanded into so much more!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier Deria avatar
      Fatima Fakier Deria

      Could be a seed for a full-length novel.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  8. Life Lessons of a Dog Lover avatar
    Life Lessons of a Dog Lover

    Nice take on the prompt. I felt her hopefulness.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier Deria avatar
      Fatima Fakier Deria

      Thank you!

      Like

      Reply
  9. Christine Goodnough avatar
    Christine Goodnough

    Sounds like you have the beginning of the next post. He’d better have a water-tight excuse or we’ll skewer him. 🤔

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier Deria avatar
      Fatima Fakier Deria

      Bwa hah ha! 😁 He’s in a lot of trouble indeed.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  10. pennygadd51 avatar
    pennygadd51

    I loved that story! I could imagine her without anger, just desperate to see and touch him again. That’s how I would feel, I think.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier Deria avatar
      Fatima Fakier Deria

      Thank you Penny! Yes that’s how I pictured her reaction. Or rather her reaction would show that his disappearance was involuntary and forced upon them. And she was just happy he was alive. Glad you picked up on that. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  11. Tracey@MyBajaKitchen.com and TraceyDelaplainMD.com avatar
    Tracey@MyBajaKitchen.com and TraceyDelaplainMD.com

    I wouldn’t have changed a thing. I made up my own story. Make us work for a story sometimes. It keeps us on our creative toes.
    Tracey

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier Deria avatar
      Fatima Fakier Deria

      Thank you Tracey😊 if I did it right the emotions in the story would have hopefully, led you to conclude his disappearance was involuntary. Glad you liked it as it was!

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  12. wmqcolby avatar
    wmqcolby

    Hmmm. Elements of a mystery. I think he might have been kidnapped, got a message to her somehow. There’s some good drama breeding in this. Nice story, Fatima.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier avatar
      Fatima Fakier

      Turned out to be very mysterious indeed. Thank you, Kent. 😊

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      1. wmqcolby avatar
        wmqcolby

        😉

        Liked by 1 person

  13. subroto avatar
    subroto

    A sense of mystery surrounding his disappearance but then also a great sense of emotions in the story. Nicely done.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier avatar
      Fatima Fakier

      Thank you 😊 I’m glad you enjoyed it.

      Like

      Reply
  14. Kelvin M. Knight's blog avatar
    Kelvin M. Knight’s blog

    What a lovely ray of hope this flash fiction story casts.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier avatar
      Fatima Fakier

      Hope at the end of a painful journey. Thank you Kevin 😊

      Like

      Reply
  15. gahlearner avatar
    gahlearner

    The burst of hope at the end of this story is wonderful. Maybe he was missing in action, or an a secret mission or unwanted by his governemen. Sending such a lovely gift only she understands speaks volumes.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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