Desert dawn

PHOTO PROMPT © Jan Wayne Fields

“C’mon! It will be worth it.”

“This was a bad idea, Dawn.”

“Oh stop your moaning. Just a few more steps.”

Robert screwed up his eyes against the morning sun, “It’s at least half a kilometre up! You’re going to kill me.”

Dawn trod easily over the rocks. Behind her, he watched the muscles flex in her calves.

At the top of the hill they looked out across the spreading desert glowing a pinkish-orange from the rising sun.

“What did I tell you? Isn’t it beautiful?”

Watching her face, his breath caught by the wind, he whispered, “It sure is.”

100 words

Written for Friday Ficitioneers where the challenge is to write a story in 100 words or less, hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Click the blue frog to read more flash fiction.

Thanks to Jan Wayne Fields for providing this week’s prompt.

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Responses

  1. Russell Gayer avatar
    Russell Gayer

    You put us right there on the mountain with them. The dialogue was spot on.

    One suggestion – either change the title to Desert Sunset or the text to read “morning sun.”

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier avatar
      Fatima Fakier

      Thanks for the suggestion, Russell. Desert Dawn refers to the woman in the story. But I changed the time of day in the story from sunset to sunrise to make it more coherent. Better?

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
      1. Russell Gayer avatar
        Russell Gayer

        Ah, I guess I wasn’t smart enough to pick up on the girl’s name from the title (probably due to the lobotomy 🙂 ). I do like the change.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Fatima Fakier avatar
        Fatima Fakier

        😄 me too. I think it works better

        Like

  2. Iain Kelly avatar
    Iain Kelly

    Worth all that effort 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier avatar
      Fatima Fakier

      Robert seems to think so 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  3. Susan A Eames avatar
    Susan A Eames

    He he – how many times has a man done something he didn’t want to do for the sake of a woman! Great story, Fatima.

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier avatar
      Fatima Fakier

      Happens every day! Women do it too. Thank you, Susan. Glad you liked it.

      Like

      Reply
  4. neilmacdon avatar
    neilmacdon

    I remember being dragged up a mountain in just such a way.
    Two years later it erupted.
    What can I tell you?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier avatar
      Fatima Fakier

      Did the mountain erupt or the romance? 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
      1. neilmacdon avatar
        neilmacdon

        The mountain

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Fatima Fakier avatar
        Fatima Fakier

        Oh wow! Maybe you should stop hiking up mountains…

        Liked by 1 person

  5. anuragbakhshi avatar
    anuragbakhshi

    The things we do for love! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier avatar
      Fatima Fakier

      The crazy things, indeed.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  6. rochellewisoff avatar
    rochellewisoff

    Dear Fatima,

    Ah what the love of a woman will make a man do. Lovely scene and wonderful dialogue.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier avatar
      Fatima Fakier

      Love has it’s own endless energy. Thank you, Rochelle. I’m trying to use more dialogue these days so I appreciate the awesome feedback.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  7. Liz Young avatar
    Liz Young

    Let’s hope he can keep up with her other activities too!
    Small point – at the start you have put ‘Dawn tread’ when I think you mean ‘trod’.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier avatar
      Fatima Fakier

      Oh dear! Missed that one. Thanks for the heads up, Liz. I think Robert will do anything to be with her. 🙂

      Like

      Reply
  8. pennygadd51 avatar
    pennygadd51

    I love the way you make it clear from Robert’s reaction to what he saw in Dawn’s face that she was having a transcendent experience as she watched the light of the rising sun spreading across the desert. What a lovely moment to share!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier avatar
      Fatima Fakier

      It is a beautiful moment and one I think Robert will treasure. While she was having her own experience, he was having a similar transcendent moment watching her in her natural beauty. Thank you, Penny.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  9. jillyfunnell avatar
    jillyfunnell

    Glad he made it. She converted him. I love that.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier avatar
      Fatima Fakier

      I’m not sure he is quite converted on the hiking part. 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  10. ceayr avatar
    ceayr

    Sweet tale.
    I guess we all climb mountains, literal or metaphorical, for those we love.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier avatar
      Fatima Fakier

      How true! Loved that insight into my story.

      Like

      Reply
  11. granonine avatar
    granonine

    Love conquers all 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier avatar
      Fatima Fakier

      Yes even our dislike for some activities 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  12. lisarey1990 avatar
    lisarey1990

    So romantic. Beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier avatar
      Fatima Fakier

      Thank you, Lisa!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  13. James McEwan avatar
    James McEwan

    Confirmation that every difficult journey in life has just rewards.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier avatar
      Fatima Fakier

      The most difficult journies lead to the most beautiful destinations, it’s true! Thank you, James.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  14. Dale avatar
    Dale

    That was simply lovely, Fatima. I love how they are each looking at what they consider beautiful…

    Like

    Reply
  15. Dahlia avatar
    Dahlia

    A very romantic story – i just can’t help hoping in her exuberance of the moment she doesnt fail to notice his expression 🙂

    Like

    Reply
  16. michaelwynnauthor avatar
    michaelwynnauthor

    Lovely description and atmosphere

    Like

    Reply
  17. Björn Rudberg (brudberg) avatar
    Björn Rudberg (brudberg)

    I love it… the wonder we can see, I hope that he sees the beauty beyond her face at that moment.

    Like

    Reply
  18. Nan Falkner avatar
    Nan Falkner

    My goodness, this could be a movie! Really great! Nan

    Like

    Reply
  19. athling2001 avatar
    athling2001

    Beautifully done.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Fatima Fakier avatar
      Fatima Fakier

      Honoured to have your appreciation 🙂

      Like

      Reply
  20. Mike avatar
    Mike

    Beauty has many differing forms, interesting story.

    Like

    Reply

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